tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52767503342285688962024-03-12T19:27:47.630-04:00Are you the Pastor's Wife?While I dreamed for years of being a pastor's wife, the process of becoming one has made me feel a bit like Jonah. This is the story of an everyday girl trying to trust God even when the next step is not always visible...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-71362567307461830452022-10-06T10:17:00.004-04:002022-10-06T10:17:46.355-04:00Lessons in the Hot Chocolate <p> "Close your eyes while I make it super special!" </p><p><br /></p><p>Jeremiah, one of our 4 year old twins, closed his eyes, smiled, and turned around. </p><p><br /></p><p>"Can't stand for no peeking!" I quoted from Little House on the Prarie as I carefully crafted his hot chocolate with his back turned. </p><p><br /></p><p>You see, the water is too hot from our water kettle for him to immediately enjoy his morning hot chocolate, but if he SEES me add just a bit of kettle water to the cup and then add in room temperature water from our Berkey, he will be very upset with me. (Ask me how I know ;) )</p><p>But if he doesn't know and exercises trust in his mama, he'll receive a cup of just right "hot" chocolate ready for him to enjoy. </p><p><br /></p><p>As I stirred his hot chocolate this morning with his back turned, the Lord reminded me that just as I ask my son to trust me in seeing to his needs, our Father in heaven is carefully crafting all the things and I need not be concerned about His process. His plan is what is best for me. </p><p><br /></p><p>My job is to trust. </p><p><br /></p><p>#Stiddlets #DiaryofaPastorsWife #DoItScared #Trust #LessonsInTheHotChocolate #Prov3Vs5And6</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-89062760877309217742022-06-23T21:19:00.005-04:002022-06-23T21:19:41.869-04:00I'm Your Pastor's Wife<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I cried with you with your cancer diagnosis.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I helped you decorate for your son's wedding.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I brought a meal to you when you became a mom. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I rearranged our schedules to meet with you and your husband when your marriage was in trouble. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I prioritized your family over mine countless times over as my husband served your family. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I prayed and cried as my husband went with you to pray as your mother passed into eternity. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I held your hand while your rape kit was performed.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wrote you thank you cards for the ways you serve the church family. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I listened to your frustrations and gave encouragement when my own heart was broken. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I counseled you on how to handle the challenges of mom life. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I cried on your kitchen floor with you when your grandbaby was taken too soon. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I sat with my husband for hours of your premarital counseling.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I prayed for you. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I cried with you. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I loved you in every way I knew how. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Who am I?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am your pastor's wife. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't think you joined a gang when you left our church family, but I can't pretend it didn't crush my soul either. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I not sacrifice enough?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I not make you feel special enough?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I not make you feel loved enough? </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Was it me? </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Was I in my own head the last Sunday you came and miss talking to you?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It will always feel like a divorce when a family leaves our church my husband pastors. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It will always cause me to cry.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love you. I miss you. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I'm not allowed to say that.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I'll politely smile when I see you at the store and ask how your family is doing. I'll genuinely tell you it's good to see you. I'll try to hide the scab on my heart. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was your pastor's wife, but I'll always wish I was your friend. </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-34201936707834691292020-10-27T10:48:00.002-04:002020-10-27T10:51:11.497-04:00The Unexpected <p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Many of us like to have a plan. We have planners, we manage our family details with planners, we make plans. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">But sometimes, things take an unexpected turn. Maybe it's a flat tire or it's a busted pipe, job loss, pregnancy, death of a loved one, and we're flat on our behind trying to figure out what happened to our plan! </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Take a moment and think of something that happened unexpectedly in your life.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love to plan. I love to have a plan. I married a free spirit who would love nothing more than to just hop in a vehicle and start driving with no plans in place. We were 18 and 19 when we got married and had only known each other for a little over 4 months total so our honeymoon road trip to Niagara Falls took us both by surprise. I wanted to plan our stops… he didn't. He is one of those "enjoy the journey" people and I'm a "plan every detail" girl. One of many surprises about marriage we would learn to work through. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But sometimes our best laid plans fall flat. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They might be big ones like when I was halfway through my pregnancy with Joanna and the day <b>after</b> we signed a new and larger apartment lease to accommodate our growing family, suddenly I was fired and we had no income. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or when we learned I was carrying twins which changed everything about our world at the time, and then again when our carefully laid birth plans went out the window and they came early.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe it's just a little bump like a broken foot that rearranges plans for a few weeks, or a minor car accident that brings the added physical and financial stress to your world. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Big or small, bump in the road or steep drop off around a blind curve, in pandemic or in health, it's imperative that we always seek Scripture for our response. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In Proverbs 16:9, we see the verse, "We make our own plans, but the Lord decides where we will go." Sometimes I hear God chuckling at me as I make my plans and declarations, telling Him just how things are going to be, and then He pivots my plans with a total 'about face.'</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's important to have a plan, a goal, something we're working toward, but it's <b>most</b> important to lay our plans before the Lord and ask Him what he has for us. I find it helpful in these moments to physically open my hands to release control and give it to Him. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Psalm 37:4 reads, "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart." The part we tend to focus on is the second part, but the first <b>has</b> to be in place because you see, if we first seek the Lord, delight in <b>Him</b> and what He wants for us, then we desire what He desires and He fulfills those desires. We have to be so careful with that one. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">God cares about every detail. The God that created the universe in every intricate detail knows my name and yours and He has a plan for my life and yours. Sometimes, <b>often times</b>, His plan includes things we wouldn't choose for ourselves… and that's really hard. Overwhelming even. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That's where those open hands remind us that His plan for our life is for His glory and our good. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know the song, by Lauren Daigle, "Trust In You?" Read these lyrics slowly, line by line, and you maybe even want to open your hands as read:</span></p><div class="ringtone" style="background-color: #ddddee; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; padding: 30px 0px; text-align: center;"><span id="cf_text_top" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><table align="center" style="background: transparent; border-collapse: collapse; border-spacing: 0px; border: 0px; cursor: pointer; direction: ltr; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Arial, Helvetica; font-size: 0em; height: 50px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 500px; width: 382.095px;"><tbody style="background: transparent; border: none; box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px;"></tbody></table></span><span style="font-weight: 700;">"Trust In You"</span></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br style="background-color: #ddddee; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;" /></span></p><div style="background-color: #ddddee; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; text-align: center;">Letting go of every single dream<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I lay each one down at Your feet<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Every moment of my wandering<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Never changes what You see<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I've tried to win this war I confess<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />My hands are weary I need Your rest<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Mighty Warrior, King of the fight<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />No matter what I face, You're by my side<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />There's not a day ahead You have not seen<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />So, in all things be my life and breath<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I want what You want Lord and nothing less<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are my strength and comfort<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are my steady hand<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Your ways are always higher<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Your plans are always good<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />There's not a place where I'll go<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You've not already stood<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust in You!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I will trust in You!</div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Those are powerful and scary words. Don't sing them, say them, think them carelessly. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to encourage you right now to pray and try laying out open hands and pray that He will help you surrender to <b>His</b> plans, this is a physical reminder that helps me tremendously and I pray the exercise blesses you in your journey with Our King.</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-39324127164790536082014-06-19T12:42:00.002-04:002014-06-19T12:42:54.481-04:00When Your Church Plant Fails<i>I started this post in August and was unable to finish it due to the raw emotion it drew upon writing. I'm posting it now, though it was unfinished, because I think it's important.....</i><br />
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A simple search on amazon.com demonstrates a lack of instruction on this topic. There isn't a handbook that I have found that includes a section of what to do when your church plant fails, when your church closes under your watch, and how to begin again. I akin this feeling to losing a loved one. There are stabbing reminders everywhere we turn that life is very different than we had anticipated, and the only thing we know to do is to grieve this as a death, and try to start anew.<br />
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When my husband and I began this church plant, failure never was a possibility. We believed that the only reason a plant would fail is if we gave up and by golly, we could out stubborn anything. Like an unexpected death, we looked around one day and realized, our church was operating on life support and nothing could be done.<br />
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The self examination is grueling and I know my husband feels it even worse. What could we have done different? What did we do wrong? What training did we miss? What book should we have read? Did we not pray enough? Did we not lead enough? Did we not serve enough? Did we, did we, did we.<br />
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The last month has been painful. Excruciating. My tears are random; my heart aches.<br />
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Yesterday was the day everyone gathered to clean out the church building. My husband, walking through the church building alone and with it mostly empty, expressed an ache all over again. I have begun to long for the 'headstone' to be put in place so we can truly finish this chapter and move on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-66288195656728291902014-06-19T12:31:00.000-04:002014-06-19T12:31:30.801-04:00Lord, Send me an AaronMy most recent post was more than a year ago. As much as I wanted to use this blog to allow others into the fishbowl of a pastor's family, we entered a season where I truly could not trust my words to be public. I could not trust my emotions to be exposed as they were just too raw.<br />
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We experienced a grueling summer last year. It held countless disappointments, devastating betrayal, and gut wrenching emotions. By the end of the summer, our church voted to close and my husband was forced to go where he could find work - 2 1/2 hours away. I had been so excited to enter the school year without any plans to move or babies to be born so we could have an amazingly awesome school year, and instead we started with only seeing daddy once a week, no vehicle while he was gone, inadequate meals, depression, and uncertainty. Eventually the children and I moved in with my parents to be closer to my husband - only an hour distance at that point - and a few more months later, we moved back to Indianapolis where we lived before the church plant. The amazingly awesome school year I had planned was a struggle with 2 moves with a season in between, a demonstration of love by so many around us who embraced us and held us up when we couldn't stand alone, extreme sadness, and major effort to just get basic book work accomplished. If I knew the year we were entering at the time I wrote the last blog on this page on May 30th, I would have been shocked and wouldn't have entered it any way except kicking and screaming.<br /><br />I would have never wished to enter this last 12 months... it was absolutely the most trying season of our family to date. My life verse that I recited many times each day was this, 2 Cor 4:8, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed." We were crushed. Devastated. Depressed.<br />
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In this season, we saw God provide in so many ways and we also saw times where God did not provide in the timing and way we believed was necessary, but we learned to trust God through it all.<br />
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I became so captivated by the story of Aaron holding up Moses' arms when he could not do it anymore. We had so many that came around us to hold us up, help us out, support us, love us, encourage us, and listen to me cry in defeat. It has taken MONTHS of this to feel we are truly healing. I no longer feel the wounds are raw and bleeding. I no longer cry for the subject to be mentioned. We are healing - His grace is enough.<br />
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We are in a season of rest. My husband is entering the process of serving as lay elder in the church where we served before our church plant. We are finally stabilizing financially to the place where we can pay all our bills on time AND buy groceries - not something that we take for granted now!!<br />
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We have a thriving home business now and are looking forward to using that business to pay off our debt and increasing that income so that when the time comes for us to enter back into ministry full time, we'll be able to do it truly with open hands and serve wherever God leads with the financial stability for our family in place. We long to bless others the way so many blessed us.<br />
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God sent us an "Aaron" and He carried us through a very dark valley. Our marriage is stronger and our relationship with our Savior is as well. I can now actually say that I'm thankful for the things that we learned through the process though I would never wish to live through it again.<br />
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Praise God for the faithful that He chose to bless us and serve us and for His faithfulness and grace <3Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-1673287151600151142013-05-30T12:58:00.003-04:002013-05-30T12:58:56.974-04:00Fishbowl Hide and SeekMany an office have a fish tank. Off the top of my head, my chiropractor has one, my pediatrician has one, a Community Resource center has one, etc. Why are they there? Because it's soothing? Because it demonstrates life? Both of those are possible, but regardless of why they're there, the fish find themselves under constant watch throughout the day. Imagine being a fish, where you home has glass walls. Everyone is watching you all day. In fact, it's not just like your home in your neighborhood where someone might glance in a window as they walk by, but rather the walls are glass for the sole purpose of giving you the ability to see in. As you vacuum, someone is watching. As you sleep, someone is watching. As you wash the dishes, someone is watching. <div>
It's often said that a pastor's family lives in a fishbowl. We live in a small town so I know when we go to Walmart, that people I know are viewing me as a pastor's wife. I know as we walk our neighborhood, we have purposed to connect in the community so people know we are a pastor's family. We've actually been told that people know we're a pastor's family and are being judged by whether or not the toys in our yard are picked up every day, as well as how we discipline our children, pay our bills on time, have a dirty car... you get the idea. And I'm not being paranoid... we have been told these things by people that feel we need the reminder. </div>
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We currently have a family of 7 staying with us, making 14 people in the house and I realized the other day that my fishbowl is now under constant surveillance. We now have people that see when we leave dirty clothes on the floor of the bathroom, wake up with morning breath, yell at my kids too quickly, don't bathe my kids enough, let the clothes sit in the washer overnight, or don't do the dishes before bed, don't spend 'enough' time in The Word daily, etc. Again, I'm not being paranoid... these are actual conversations that have been had. </div>
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I stressed for the first several days they were here and now on day 11, I have begun to relax. I'm working through a book by Dorothy Patterson called, "A Handbook for Minister's Wives" and I believe I might just re-read it every time I finish it, or perhaps at least read it monthly. I so needed the reminders she gives. </div>
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It is so simple that our priorities are not to please "man" but to please God. But please allow me to be transparent with you and share... that simple truth is so difficult to remember when a person is standing in front of you and you can just *feel* them looking at the stains in your carpet. I know I know, I need to repent.<br /><br />Sometimes, like in a fish tank, I'd like to duck behind the volcano (in my house it's laundry!) and be hidden for a few minutes of rest. That currently is not the case and God is teaching me so much through this season. I'm so thankful for the examples of gracious hospitality extended to my family as well as demonstrated by my parents over the years and it is my prayer that *HE* would receive glory through this situation, even as I muck it up with my messy corners and selfish desires. I am human, I am not a neat freak, I have a backed up laundry pile, I don't scrub my toilet every day, and I need friendship just like you. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-8667177158856086572013-04-30T13:04:00.002-04:002013-04-30T13:04:21.116-04:00Just like youWhile the title of this blog page is "Are You the Pastor's Wife", I really don't get that question very much. Our church is small and while I am introduced sometimes as "Our Pastor's wife", it is still something that seems odd to me.<br /><br />I attended 2 events this weekend specifically because I am a pastor's wife.<br />
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Hubby and I attended a retreat hosted by our state convention exclusively for Senior Pastors and their wives. The time away was a wonderful gift and the speakers were excellent. It was refreshing to be surrounded by normal people just like me, who also happened to know intimately the struggles and hurts that can accompany this role and journey.<br />
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Last night, we were blessed to attend our local Right to Life banquet where my husband had been asked to say the closing prayer for the event. We were sat at the head table, next to the keynote speaker, and a congressional's representative on the other side. I was absolutely humbled to be sitting next to the woman everyone came to hear speak, and other noted people.<br />
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I found myself thinking, "Who am I to be at the table with these people? And really, I'm only at this table because my husband is on the program." I am just an everyday person, a lowly stay at home mom (I say this tongue in cheek), who married a man with God's call on his life. I am blessed to serve along side him as a church member and as his helpmate.<br />
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You know what I found as I sat next to these very important people? They are also ordinary people. The congressional representative? A mom of 3 kids. We discussed potty training among other things in our conversation. The radio personality who was the MC of the event? He was showing everyone pictures of his dog :)<br /><br />I think we tend to put people on pedestals and pastors and their wives sometimes are put up there too and I need you to know, that your pastor and his wife are normal people. We have struggles, arguments, we let our kids watch TV too much, my kitchen is TRASHED right now and if you showed up for an impromptu drop in, you'd find me in sweat pants and a t-shirt without my teeth brushed.<br /><br />Anytime I hear a reference to the role of a pastor's wife as one with prestige, I try to stomp on it as quickly as I can. My calling is to be the Proverbs 31 woman just as any other woman. To love and serve my husband, to love and correct my children. To be a student of the Bible and to serve Jesus with all I am.<br />
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All For His GloryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-82988306694021882362013-01-25T13:42:00.003-05:002013-01-25T13:42:52.019-05:00If I Could Go Back 10 years...Have you ever considered what you would tell yourself if you could go back 10 years, 20 years, etc., to a certain time in your life to change a major event or decision course? Makes you wonder if Adam wished he could rewind time and not even the fruit from the tree. Did Cain wish he hadn't killed Abel? The list goes on and I'm sure each of us has our own.<br />
<br />My husband and I have come to a crossroads and while we have a list of things that we wish we could have done differently if we could relive our almost 10 years of marriage, there is a crucial ideology that we wish we had heard 10 or 11 years ago as that would have changed some major dynamics of our marriage.<br />
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Now for the stunning shocking reality.<br />
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We can't rewind time.<br />
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Betcha didn't see that coming. (just kidding of course)<br />
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So since we can't rewind time and go back and tell ourselves this piece of golden wisdom that would've saved us so many life lessons and averted many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, what do we do?<br />
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First of all, we pray and repent for the sins we're realizing.<br />
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Second, we learn from our mistakes.<br />
<br />Third, we move on. We embrace that it was God's purpose for those chapters and decisions to be part of our story for His glory. We tell others about our mistakes both for God's glory and for possibly helping others to avoid making those same mistakes. <br />
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I'm working to not mourn those decisions, but to be thankful I can see God moving throughout those decisions and then now figure out how to we can change the course of our story.<br />
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"For we preach not ourselves but Christ Jesus the Lord and ourselves, your servants, for Jesus sake." 2 Cor 4:5bUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-45791417801512617382013-01-24T22:27:00.001-05:002013-01-24T22:27:23.116-05:00Lost and Confused?Trying to formulate my thoughts the other day, I had the words "Lost and So Confused" flash through my mind. Appropriate descriptions for this moment and I decided I needed to write a song using those words. Then I realized there was a song that had that line, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I tried to sing that line and eventually the entire song, "Imagine Me Without You" by Jaci Velasquez came to my senses. That was the song I was thinking of. I pulled it up on You Tube and let the music and words resonate in my soul. Then I realized...<br />
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I'm not without God. In her song, "Imagine me without you, I'd be lost and so confused..." describes how she would be without Christ. So... why am I using those exact descriptors when I am NOT without Christ?!<br />
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I had a smack in the face as I realized in that moment that I was living as if I did not have Christ in my life. Her song ends, "Because of You, it's all brand new, my life is now worthwhile... I can't imagine me without you." <br /><br />I prayed and confessed this to my Lord. I allowed myself to be distracted by the enemy, and forgot that I am with Christ, and He is with me.<br />
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Are you living without Christ? Are you with Christ and yet living as if you're not? In either case, repent, for the Kingdom of God is awaiting you! WAKE UP! He is there to see us through, and our lives are now worthwhile. PRAISE GOD He has given us the opportunity to serve Him! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-51086311301508230792013-01-16T15:33:00.001-05:002013-01-16T15:33:32.116-05:00Are You ListeningOn occasion I express myself through writing a song - it's a soothing means of expressing what is on my heart and going on in my life. I don't have any dreams of Grammy's or Oscars or Dove Awards, I don't think they're that good and I don't really do it for other people, but really just for me. Just a means to communicate really. My superman husband has been asked to guest preach along with me singing for a service at our sending church in the near future and he'll be preaching on Deut 6. I couldn't find a song that I really felt was the right song to sing, so I decided I would just write one. Thought I would share it here...<br />
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Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
With all your heart<br />
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Listen o Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. <br />
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your
strength. Teach this to your children. Repeat it every day. While you’re
sitting while you’re walking and when you’re on the road. When you lie down,
and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and wear it as a symbol
on your forehead. Write them in your home too. <br />
<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
With all your heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you listening Israel
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Are you listening to this church<br />
Are you listening to this dads<br />
Are you listening to this moms<br />
Are you listening to this kids<br />
Are you listening to this brothers<br />
Are you listening to this sisters<br />
Are you listening are you listening are you listening</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
Love the Lord your God<br />
With all your heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you teach your children every day to love the Lord our
God? Do you teach them when you rise do you teach them when you sleep, do you
teach them when you drive, do you teach them when you shop, is it written in
your house is it written in your heart? Do you love the Lord your God….with all
your heart?</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-11608190915819721812013-01-03T12:25:00.003-05:002013-01-03T12:25:55.684-05:00Abigail's arrivalAbigail Kay arrived the Saturday before Thanksgiving and just 2 days before her due date! She has been an incredible joy and I am blessed to have a newborn in my home again. Her siblings all adore her (especially Joanna who FINALLY has a younger sister) and she's now 6 weeks old marking the end of my recovery crutch :)<br /><br />God protected both she and I in an amazing way that day... in a way we didn't even know we needed protection from.<br /><br />Abigail's placenta was abnormal - she had something called a velamentous cord insertion. In this condition, the veins in the placenta were exposed instead of protected which means they are more apt to rupture under the stress of the contractions or could be potentially nicked when the midwife broke my water right at the end - they can even rupture if she had stripped my membranes. Should that have happened, Abigail, or both of us, could have very quickly bled to death. An emergency c-section would not have occured quickly enough. As I researched after the fact, it turns out that the when it's detected in utero, those are planned c-sections so prevent the possibility of rupture from the stress of contractions and the moms are put on bedrest up to that point. Not on bedrest, I continued my normal life pace including moving, unpacking, probably lifting I shouldn't have, etc. God spared us both and we are so thankful.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-40762195848068551682012-10-30T16:46:00.000-04:002012-10-30T16:46:45.458-04:0037 weeks!Just home from another midwife appointment and baby is looking great, BP is holding steady, and we're officially in the clear to welcome our little one whenever he or she decides it is time! We have so much to be thankful for...<br /><br />Of course there are struggles... new ones it seems each week.... but God is faithful and we are seeking to walk closer to Him each day and in each new struggle. January is looking incredibly uncertain at the moment and I feel at times that all is lost. But the same God that called us up here is the same God that we are still serving, who is the same God that provided for the Israelite people in the wilderness, parted the Red Sea, rose Jesus from the dead, and is still our provider. <div>
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I recently learned of a proposed full time pastor's salary at another church and was asked if I felt that was fair. While not an exorbitant value, I realized I could not even dream that big. Money is not everything, but balancing eating and disconnect notices with no health insurance can be draining. It's a growing experience for sure.</div>
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We have so much to be thankful for....<br /><br />Our health is good<br />We have a warm dry home to protect us from the weather<br />We have a prayer support team<br />Our families and friends who love us<br />The blessing of 4 children and this 5th baby on the way<br />Food in the pantry<br />The blessing of living in a state where home birth is a legal option<br />The opportunity to serve in Columbia City<br />The blessing of salvation</div>
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Will be posting more on Thankfulness soon...</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-45905432230241645102012-10-10T17:00:00.004-04:002012-10-10T17:08:27.038-04:00God's GOT this!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am 34 weeks pregnant and at the midwife appt this morning we discovered that the baby is not measuring where it should. The measurement today was the same as 2 weeks ago.... and 4 weeks ago.... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Erring on the side of human error, the midwife suggested waiting 2 more weeks til my next appt and then if measurements are the same then we go for an ultrasound to check the baby.<br />Trying to not worry and take my cue from the midwife, we leave. A mile down the road the van begins violently shaking - we slow way down and it gets better but does not go away. A well placed slow moving tractor gave us cover and we crawled to the next gas station following this tractor. We make a couple phone calls, including Superman's brother, who is a car-repairman and he advises us to not drive it any further and believes the back end is going out. Threw out some possibility estimates (for parts alone) of between $300-$900. We drive a 96 .... it's not worth more than $1500 running great.<br /><br />Oh. And we're broke :)<br /><br />Against advice, we determine we are 45 minutes from home, and have no money for a tow, so we opted to attempt the drive home praying all the way.<br />Praise God we made it home safely.<br />After getting everyone a late lunch, I went for chocolate and a Pepsi (hey - basic necessities) and began sharing my day with a few people for prayer. As I was typing out a message to a dear friend of mine, I realized.... DUH! Things are going well at the church and there's a new possibility we haven't even shared yet and OF COURSE Satan's going to be attacking and discouraging us! And you know what??? Satan had to get God's permission to do it!<br />This means: God has a plan - He's GOT this! For up to the next 3 weeks, the kids and I don't have to go anywhere beyond walking distance and if he has to, Superman can ride his bike to and from work and anywhere else in town. 3 weeks is PLENTY of time for God to show His awesome and mighty hand and perform a miracle. At this point I think I'm going to pray that He provide us with a mini van - surely someone has a mini van not doing anything that they'd be willing to give to a pastor's family right???<br /><br />My favorite verse in times like this:<br />2 Cor 4:8, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed."<br /><br />I've also noticed that sometimes God has allowed things to happen to use that we would not prefer, not just for our own lesson learning but for others to step up and serve too. Which reminds me of the verse in Phil 4 where Paul tells the church at Philippi "<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that once again</span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-29451L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> you renewed your care for me.</span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-29451M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup><span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="background-color: white;"> You were, in fact, concerned about me but lacked the opportunity to show it."</span><span style="background-color: white;"><br /><br />God is granting someone(s) the opportunity to show concern for us! And He's teaching us to trust Him! In everything! PRAISE GOD!!<br /><br />God's GOT this.<br /><br />Hush my child..... I will provide....<br /><br />We covet your prayers as we watch on the sidelines to see God move on the vehicle situation. We also covet your prayers as we trust The Great Physician, the ONLY ONE who can help our baby grow, as the giver and taker of life, and will fulfill His purpose for us. We pray for the baby's safety and trust Our Provider with this child.</span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-30900864047291809482012-10-08T17:01:00.000-04:002012-10-08T17:01:13.053-04:00Psalm 57:2<span class="text Ps-57-2" id="en-HCSB-14771" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">"I call to God Most High, </span><span class="text Ps-57-2" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">to God who fulfills His purpose for me." Psalm 57:2</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Charis SIL, charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This verse was written by David as he was hiding in a cave; hiding from King Saul who wanted to kill him because King Saul knew that David was to be the next king. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Charis SIL, charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Facing almost certain death against the mightiest king of the day, David cries out to God.... I don't know that I would have had the same wording.<br /><br />When I am faced with adversary, I pray for deliverance.... how many times do I ACTUALLY then end with "not my will but Your will be done?" Or in this verse specifically the wording is "I call to God... who fulfills His purpose for me." What if God's purpose is the worst case scenario in your book? What if it means death? Death to you? Death to your children? Your spouse? What if that means a repossession of your home? Filing bankruptcy? A job loss for you or your spouse? What if any of those things is God fulfilling His purpose for you? For me?<br /><br />My superhusband/pastor referenced this verse yesterday in his sermon and it struck me between the eyes and I almost fell apart right there. You see, I had just learned before walking out the door to church, that I have a friend who is expecting a child, and as they expect the arrival of that child they are preparing for certain death. Their baby has a rare defect and the baby has a zero percent survival possibility. Zero percent. They have been given no hope. They are making plans for delivery, burial, casket, etc.<br /><br />"I call to God most high, to God who fulfills His purpose for me."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Charis SIL, charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God's purpose is always first and foremost to bring Himself glory and no, that's not selfish - He's God - the Creator of the Universe. We are His instruments for that glory to be accomplished through.<br />I cannot begin to imagine all that God has planned for this couple and this tiny baby that is still alive at 26 weeks gestation despite all odds (and the fact that abortion is the most logical for this couple and they have received some pressure to do so), but one thing is clear, God is using this situation to fulfill His purpose in this couple. It's now part of their story - of their marriage, their family, their church family, and they have already been able to minister to many through this road God has chosen for them.<br /><br />Are you truly content in Christ? Do you cry out to God in the midst of trials and struggles and joys and celebrations to fulfill His purpose for you? Do I? Not often enough I am afraid. Not often enough. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-28063776732405663242012-10-06T11:20:00.003-04:002012-10-06T11:20:45.035-04:00Hush my child.... I will provideIn one of my first posts I shared with you my struggle of following my husband to a place of great insecurity for me - greatly beyond my comfort zone - and God using that time in my life to teach me to trust Him in a whole new way. You can read that particular post here: <a href="http://www.areyouthepastorswife.blogspot.com/2012/01/lord-is-my-shepherd-i-shall-not-wait.html">http://www.areyouthepastorswife.blogspot.com/2012/01/lord-is-my-shepherd-i-shall-not-wait.html</a><br />
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Something else God used during that time I didn't share in that already long post - I wrote a song called "Provision". It's simple, unpolished, won't ever win a grammy kind of song, but it is very special to my heart and I have been amazed at how many times over the last 6 years the Lord has brought that song back to the forefront of my mind during a time of great struggle.<br />
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Yesterday was one of those days. The day started terribly and the whole day was just awful. The details aren't very important other than to say the lessons were financial.<br />
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Let me share with you the first part of the song I wrote....<br /><br /><i>I think I know what I need, but I'm just along on the world's ride</i><br />
<i>Until God brought me to my knees</i><br />
<i>Hush my child, I will provide. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Life spins me in circles, Lord I can barely keep up! I need this, I want that, Lord WHERE ARE YOU?<br />Hush my child, I will provide. </i><br />
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<i>He grows grass for the cattle, and fruit for nutrition of man<br />He gives food from earth and water from the sky</i><br />
<i>In all that He shows, He will provide. </i><br />
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<i>Life spins me in circles, Lord I can barely keep up! I need this, I want that, Lord WHERE ARE YOU?<br />Hush my child, I will provide. </i><br />
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So after this long terrible day, God brought me to my knees.... perhaps flat on my face if I didn't have a 8 1/2 month baby belly to keep me from doing so.....and now for one of my favorite word phrase in the Bible......<br /><br /><b>But GOD.....</b><br /><br />At the end of the day just before the kiddos bedtime, Derin received a phone call from someone he hadn't heard from in months. The details can't be shared yet but when he got off the phone(2 hours later) and shared the information with me, I was literally dumbfounded and asked him to repeat himself.<br />
<br />You mean.... God HEARD me crying out and He was already working on an answer to the prayer I hadn't yet voiced??? Oh I am of little faith.<br /><br />
The information from the phone call must be proceeded with much prayer and caution, and yet it is an amazing possibility that is just astounding. I can't wait to share the details with you. In the mean time, let me finish the song....<br /><br /><i>He caught me when I was falling</i><br />
<i>He gave me everything I need</i><br />
<i>He heard me when I was calling</i><br />
<i>You showed me Lord, You did provide</i><br />
<i>I see now Lord, You do provide</i><br />
<i>I see now Lord........... You died to provide......</i><br />
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Amazingly I have to keep learning this lesson.... God is our Jehovah Jireh - our provider!<br /><br /><i>Hush my child, I will provide.....</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-58892673656402235522012-10-03T20:37:00.002-04:002012-10-03T20:37:31.284-04:00Seasons of ChangeWhile it's my 2nd favorite time of year, I absolutely love fall. I love the cool air after the hot summer, the hot chocolate, hot tea, warm blanket, slipping into socks for the first time in months, the crisp fall leaves on the ground, the preparedness for Thanksgiving and Christmas.... it's a warm and cozy time of year.<br /><br />This year fall is bringing about a huge change in our family. It began with a move from a small house to a large house that we are loving but still trying to unpack and settle into, and now as we settle into our school groove we're also preparing to welcome our baby #5, due Thanksgiving week. There must be something that happens as you have more and more children... I find I am far less worried about 'being ready' this time around....lol and yet I do have a list of things that need to be ready before the little one comes that really does need attention. :) I have begun to buy a few needed items, washed boy and girl newborn clothing (baby wouldn't cooperate for either ultrasound so we'll be surprised!), but that's about the just of my level of preparedness. I mean, I still have 3 weeks until my home visit with the midwife right? Jeepers....<br />
<br />I'm hoping to take only a week off of our homeschooling calendar after the baby comes.... with our late start due to the move I am not comfortable taking much more than that... but we'll see what happens.<br /><br />The church is maintaining and is also turning a corner of change. The vision my husband has cast to the congregation is challenging and demands the people step up - if they are faithful, I have great faith that this model will work. I so admire the clarity God provides to my husband for direction and leading his flock.<br /><br />This time of year always makes me consider Ecc 3.... there is a time for everything. Sometimes we are not fond of all of what "everything" means though. A dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with breast cancer, another friend is waiting on her father to pass away, a great person of faith whom I have never met lost his 15 year old daughter today to eternity. In contrast, we're getting ready to welcome a new blessing, we're in a time of health right now in our family although difficult challenges in other areas, the church is turning an exciting but a little scary chapter where we need lots of faith to press through, and people all around us are celebrating and mourning in their own blessings and struggles. Do we truly celebrate and thank God in each and every celebration and trial? Do you praise God when your home is broken into? Do you praise God when someone passes away? Do you praise God when you struggle with organization? Do you praise God when you are at your wits end with your spouse? I love the Laura Story song, "blessings".<br /><br />"What if trials of this life, are His mercies in disguise...."<br /><br />In this season of change and thankfulness.... let's truly give thanks both in the blessings and in the trials.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-79049541588362783832012-07-05T19:18:00.002-04:002012-07-05T19:18:46.507-04:00Whom do you serve?I can think of numerous occasions in the Bible where a person had to decide about whether to please God or man. Ultimately, that is the crux of essentially every issue, but there are some times that it is more obvious than others.<br /><br />I've been contemplating over the recent week or two the importance of choosing God over man. Our God is a jealous God. He demands, yep - strong word but it's true - He demands our allegiance, our attention, our loyalty, our all.<br /><br />I recently became aware of a person who is not pleased with a decision Derin and I have made. The details aren't important, and while it shocked me and hurt a little, it was fairly easy for me to shrug and though disappointed, conclude that since I'm not seeking that person's approval, this news was not all that important to me. That's easy (or at least *easier*) to do when the person is not high on our list of those we need approval from, but what about those that are. Consider for a moment the people that you go to for advice, the ones that you long to have approve of you, your spouse, your decisions, your dreams... when it comes to those people on your list... it is much more difficult to choose to serve God instead of those men and women of importance. Is God really your everything? Do you long to serve God more than you long for "____'s" approval?<br /><br />"Choose this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-13605568430610136462012-07-04T09:45:00.001-04:002012-07-04T09:45:29.971-04:00A moment of transparencyWhen preaching about marriage, my husband has often said from the pulpit, "If you don't like my wife - then we can't be friends." His point is that we are one and he will stand with me even if that means he has to stand against everyone else - friends, family, etc. He has had to do just that a number of times and I love him for it so much - it is a demonstrative act of his commitment to our marriage. <br />
Of course I also agree the same - if you have a problem with my husband, then I'm sorry, I will end a friendship. My husband comes first. If your words or attitude are acting as a crowbar to drive a wedge in between myself and my husband, you're the one to go. <br />
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Here's my "transparent maybe it shouldn't be said but it's on my heart so I'm going to say it" moment. <br />
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I have a difficult time with this in the church family. <br />
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When someone comes to ME to ridicule or question my husband, the points from above are my instinct and I have a difficult time remembering to love first. In that moment, I do not have the luxury of growing frustrated or angry or defensive or even hurt because the other half of my heart (my husband) is being attacked or questioned- but instead I have to respond in love or we're going to have even bigger problems than where we began. <br />
Typically my response, preferred by my husband especially, is deference. In that moment I try to take a deep breath and direct that person to my husband to discuss their issue or question. I don't know what my husband is thinking all the time, why he opted to preach on the next text instead of a "holiday appropriate" sermon, why he planned something a certain way, why he hasn't planned something yet, etc. As a bi-vocational church planter who is working on his master's degree there are plenty of weeks that we barely have time to discuss necessary topics pertaining to our family - discussing the church as pillow talk is well.... less than ideal.<br />
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With this I leave to you, if you have an issue or question for the pastor - seek him out and not his wife. You'll get a more accurate answer and he has broader shoulders - he's used to getting punches in the gut. Me? I don't have abs of steel and well ....sometimes it hurts.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-49655562294174840122012-06-27T21:05:00.003-04:002012-10-06T11:21:17.576-04:00A confession and a songI have a confession to make...<br />
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While by majority my passion is Christian Contemporary Music, I have a special place in my heart for John Denver's music. The simple clarity that he wrote with just speaks to my heart - it's a love I share with my mom actually. It's just.... peaceful. <br />
<br />
The Colorado fires are especially close to me for a couple reasons, the first being is that I have a sister, BIL, and nieces and nephews that live in The Springs and they are being directly effected by these fires. I also fell in LOVE with Colorado when I traveled through there 14 years ago on a mission trip. Additionally, John Denver's songs are both inspired by and much written about those rocky mountains and that also helped form a special place in my heart. <br />
<br />
I wondered today as I looked at some of the pictures of the fire and devestation, what kind of song would come from John Denver's heart if he were around to see those same pictures. I wrote a song today, intended to be from his perspective so I guess you could say in memory of him, as I pondered those things. <br />
<br />
The Beautiful Colorado<br />
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<br />
The Colorado that I know was beautiful and clear<br />
Eagles flying, mountains rising and the hills themselves are dear<br />
The air so crisp and clean up there is exhilarating<br />
The Colorado that I know is my home and my retreat<br />
<br />
The Colorado that I know stands now charred and burned<br />
A drought with heat and then a spark has changed the scenery<br />
The rich green trees stand sad and bare - the foliage is gone<br />
The air is thick – I cannot breathe and my heart has lost a home<br />
<br />
The beautiful Colorado is changed forevermore<br />
My rocky mountain high stands sad and the birds robbed of their song<br />
The beautiful Colorado is lost and so am I<br />
My country my retreat is gone and my heart has lost its home<br />
<br />
Now don’t lose heart my Colorado as I know that you’ll rebuild<br />
It’s scary now and oh so sad and with you my heart still aches<br />
The trees will grow again and see - the flowers will rebloom<br />
The birds will sing their song one day and my heart will have a home<br />
My heart will have a home…</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-48658149371140250172012-06-19T12:35:00.004-04:002012-06-19T12:35:57.752-04:00A woman's prerogative?Everyone knows it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind... right?<br />
<br />
Well in this case it wasn't just me. Superman and I decided not to move into the house. We had an unsettled feeling and decided it was not the best thing for our finances. At the end of the day, I still don't know what we're going to do about living situations because as much as I keep trying to find ways to make this house work out, I just can't seem to do it. <br />
<br />
In the mean time, I have started a business making elastic tablecloths and it seems to be going well. Had some business - need to streamline so I can become quicker about getting the orders out the door but I'm excited and it seems to be doing ok.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-58543657744010302552012-06-02T17:56:00.002-04:002012-06-02T17:56:17.863-04:00We've decided...We've decided to take the cuts and move into the big house. We're super excited and yet also overwhelmed at the daunting task of packing up our current house and moving in 2-3 weeks. (Hubs and I haven't had time to sit down and figure out which Saturday will be moving day). <br />Lots to do and a serious lack of energy to do so :) <br /><br />I'm also in the process of getting an eBay business up and running which has been a slow start but the wheel is starting to move, and will be taking on some creative sewing projects for my sister's online cloth shop once we move and have the space as well. <br /><br />Superman is tired and wearing out from his constant motion and running from one thing to the next. Could use prayer for endurance and clarity in priorities!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-79488822455405288922012-05-28T19:32:00.003-04:002012-07-05T19:19:14.485-04:00Whoops!I knew when I began this blog that I would not always be consistent with posts and this update certainly attests to this truth. <br />
<br />
Since my last post, my Superman accepted a lower position at Family Christian under the premise that he could get in there and prove himself to eventually get promoted. It's been 2 1/2 months and our most recent understanding is that this is not necessarily going to occur. <br />
<br />
I also posted about being interviewed for 2 positions at Walmart, and I was offered a flattering position, did it for 2 weeks, and it became very evident that position was not a good fit for my family. I ended up leaving Walmart altogether to make Superman more available at his new job. <br />
<br />
Part of the decision for me to leave Walmart was also because that first week we learned that I am expecting our 5th little one! We are so very thankful! I am currently 15 weeks along, due around Thanksgiving. I have already had my first appointment with my midwife and everything seems to be going well. We are trusting God in His providence. <br />
<br />
We are at another bend in the road deciding what to do about our living situation. Our current rental has been wonderful, but the house layout is not the most conducive for both our family and our passion for hospitality and ministry centered FROM our home. The house across the street from the church has become available and we are praying about that move. A decision must be made by Friday to give our current landlord his official notice before our move out date. The "big" house is incredibly ideal on so many levels, but is a bit more in monthly rent and we're deciding if we can handle the increase in expenses. We would covet your prayers. <br />
Sometimes at these moments, I find it difficult to separate out my head and my heart and hearing God's guidance through it all. We love the big house, it's a perfect fit for us, and we've had our eye on it since before we even moved up here to start the church. We have made a plethora of financial mistakes in our marriage and desire to truly step cautiously and bring God glory through our finances, spending, and priorities. We truly believe we can serve God in either home, the bigger home is much more logical on many levels and would be incredible to our family, it would be an amazing tool for ministry and hospitality; we are just weighing if that is the best stewardship of His finances entrusted to us. Will post what we decide!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-22027528993450243532012-03-09T00:47:00.002-05:002012-03-09T00:50:42.417-05:00Open doors and more open doorsWe're still waiting to hear about hubby's possible full time position, and in the mean time I have applied at a staffing agency which seems to be going well. In addition to this, today while I was at work I was interviewed for two positions (which apparently never happens).<br /><br />Now we have more options, and are treading ever so cautiously trying to figure out which foot to put where. Praying for wisdom and discernment.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-53642659680833380452012-02-28T23:08:00.002-05:002012-02-28T23:27:50.745-05:00Your Grace Is EnoughGreat is Your faithfulness O God<br />You wrestle with the sinner's heart<br />You lead us by still waters and to mercy<br />And nothing can keep us apart<br /><br />So remember Your people<br />Remember Your children<br />Remember Your promise O God<br /><br />Your grace is enough!<br />Your grace is enough!<br />Your grace is enough for me!<br /><br />Great is Your love and justice God<br />You use the weak to lead the strong<br />You lead the song of Your salvation<br />And all Your people sing along<br /><br />So remember Your people<br />Remember Your children<br />Remember Your promise O God<br /><br />Your grace is enough<br />Your grace is enough<br />Your grace is enough for me!<br /><br />Your grace is enough<br />Your grace is enough<br />Your grace is enough for me!<br /><br />Heaven's down to us<br />Your grace is enough for me!<br />God I see Your grace is enough<br />I am covered in Your love<br />Your grace is enough for me<br />For me!<br />By Chris Tomlin<br /><br />Did you read those words? I mean REALLY read them? Such awesome amazing powerful and comforting truth in those words.<br />Superman and I are in a holding pattern waiting to hear news on a full time job for him. In many ways - it's everything we need. In other ways, it's non ideal because the church will take some hits on time. It's such a difficult struggle to be a bi-vocational pastor, and then a church planting pastor to boot as there is just so much to do and then as we are in the process of growing we're so grateful for every single person that serves in every capacity but there's always more and more and more!<br /><br />As we struggle over waiting for the news of whether or not the job will be offered we've also wrestled with whether or not to accept the offer if given the opportunity... but then if that's not it - then what?<br />God has been so faithful to us - providing gift cards, surprise money... can't say we've never had some PB&J days...weeks... and I can't say we've haven't had to bounce the checking account... but we have never not had food for our kids and we've learned so much about trusting God.<br /><br />I have just loved the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller this week. Are we worshipping while we're waiting? Are we praising God and rejoicing in EVERYthing? Can we praise God if the phone call reveals no job offer? I mean... if that happens - I don't really know what we're going to do. But God does. God has a plan for next month even when we don't have a clue as to what it holds.<br /><br />In 2 Cor 12 we read about Paul's thorn - he begs the thorn to be taken away but the Lord answers "My grace is enough for you because my power is made perfect in weakness."<br />I am weak - but His grace is enough.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5276750334228568896.post-56425930057202950852012-02-11T23:18:00.001-05:002012-02-11T23:46:22.650-05:00A Saturday night prayer from the Pastor's wifeDo you ever wonder what a Saturday night looks like for the pastor as he is preparing to bring forth The Word on Sunday morning? You may not have ever given it a thought. Let me give you a peek...<br /><br />My hubby is a firm believer that Sunday morning worship begins Saturday evening and for the pastor's family of a small church, this means there's lots to do!<br />Pastor Superman is contemplative usually and slightly withdrawn as he is thinking about his sermon to deliver in the morning. On the average Saturday night he makes a run about 9pm to the local donut shop where he picks up the day's "waste" - one man's waste is another man's breakfast! :) We serve day old donuts for free on Sunday morning at our church :)<br />In addition to making sure the kids are freshly bathed, I'm also gathering my song music to lead worship in the morning, I'm laying out clothes, socks, shoes, hair bands, for the appropriate people - making sure hubby's dress clothes are pressed (as needed - I'm a huge advocate for a steam ball in the dryer to drive those wrinkles away!) and hanging for him, and when I'm super organized I'm also trying to make sure the house is presentable and welcoming for company that may end up invited into our home for Sunday lunch!<br /><br />Now you need to understand - this is my ideal - many weeks this is not the case. There are the occasions that I'm finishing the worship song list Saturday night and emailing the bulletin even after midnight for a couple in our church to print (they are blessed with a laser printer and graciously print the bulletin at lightning speed each week!) when they wake up Sunday morning. There have been plenty of Sunday mornings that we're scrambling for missing socks, shoes, wrinkled dress shirts, etc. I recall those Sundays when I was a kid. It'd be a tense, grumpy Sunday morning and we'd get out of the car at church with smiles on our faces pretending everything was just fine and dandy!<br />You know what though... the pastor's family can't do that - because when wifey and hubby(aka the pastor) have been arguing or shared terse words because someone didn't get up on time or took too much time in our one and only bathroom, we realize we've let Satan win a battle. Because on those Sundays, my husband is distracted and frustrated and is incapable of getting up to preach when he and I are at odds. In fact, in that moment he's not even qualified to do so because our home is not in order.<br />I have a confession to make - that's a lot of weight for the pastor's wife to bear. That means come Saturday afternoon, I begin growing a mental list of things that he needs to know about, or a budget we need to discuss, or a late bill that is coming due early in the week... - all of that I have to put off and do my best to be extra gracious and loving and patient for the next 24 hours so that the kids and I are not used by Satan to distract hubby from preaching God's Word.<br /><br />So on this Saturday night, here's my prayer for my hubby...<br /><br />Father God, I thank you so much for the gift that you have given me in my husband. I am so very thankful that you brought the two of us together and that we have the opportunity to serve you in ministry as one. I pray that you will put a shield around my husband tonight. I pray that you will begin now preparing his heart and mind to be totally yours - that you would give him a restful night of sleep so that he can wake up feeling refreshed and renewed for the day. I pray that you will begin now by preparing the congregation - I pray for all who will attend service in the morning and that you will also give them a restful night of sleep and the motivation and energy to ready for church in the morning and come ready to worship and hear from you. I pray that as hubby is preaching that you will close his mouth to anything that would be only from him and not from you, and that your message will pass through his lips in an awesome way and that you will receive glory as a result of his service.<br />I pray that you will put your hand of protection on our home tonight. I pray that you will help my children to sleep through the night so they and I are all rested in the morning. I pray that as we ready our family in the morning for worship, I pray that you will help us to rise on time and ready our family with joy so that we can be an example to our children that they will learn an excitement that comes with preparing to worship with the gathered body of believers.<br />I pray that you will guard my tongue and attitude in the morning - I pray that you will not allow me to be used by Satan to distract my husband so that I may not hinder your Word from being delivered. I pray that in the morning and even as I ready things tonight, that you will help me to be a helper to him and to my family - that my preparations will not have been in vain, and that I will bring my husband good and not harm tomorrow and each day this week.<br /><br />It is a blessing and a privilege to serve you in this way and I pray all these things in your most precious and holy name, Amen.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0