Lessons in the Hot Chocolate

 "Close your eyes while I make it super special!" 

Jeremiah, one of our 4 year old twins, closed his eyes, smiled, and turned around. 

"Can't stand for no peeking!" I quoted from Little House on the Prarie as I carefully crafted his hot chocolate with his back turned. 

You see, the water is too hot from our water kettle for him to immediately enjoy his morning hot chocolate, but if he SEES me add just a bit of kettle water to the cup and then add in room temperature water from our Berkey, he will be very upset with me. (Ask me how I know ;) )

But if he doesn't know and exercises trust in his mama, he'll receive a cup of just right "hot" chocolate ready for him to enjoy. 

As I stirred his hot chocolate this morning with his back turned, the Lord reminded me that just as I ask my son to trust me in seeing to his needs, our Father in heaven is carefully crafting all the things and I need not be concerned about His process. His plan is what is best for me. 

My job is to trust. 

#Stiddlets #DiaryofaPastorsWife #DoItScared #Trust #LessonsInTheHotChocolate #Prov3Vs5And6

I'm Your Pastor's Wife

I cried with you with your cancer diagnosis.

I helped you decorate for your son's wedding.

I brought a meal to you when you became a mom. 

I rearranged our schedules to meet with you and your husband when your marriage was in trouble. 

I prioritized your family over mine countless times over as my husband served your family. 

I prayed and cried as my husband went with you to pray as your mother passed into eternity. 

I held your hand while your rape kit was performed.

I wrote you thank you cards for the ways you serve the church family. 

I listened to your frustrations and gave encouragement when my own heart was broken. 

I counseled you on how to handle the challenges of mom life. 

I cried on your kitchen floor with you when your grandbaby was taken too soon. 

I sat with my husband for hours of your premarital counseling.

I prayed for you. 

I cried with you. 

I loved you in every way I knew how. 

Who am I?

I am your pastor's wife. 

I don't think you joined a gang when you left our church family, but I can't pretend it didn't crush my soul either. 

Did I not sacrifice enough?

Did I not make you feel special enough?

Did I not make you feel loved enough? 

Was it me? 

Was I in my own head the last Sunday you came and miss talking to you?

It will always feel like a divorce when a family leaves our church my husband pastors. 

It will always cause me to cry.

I love you. I miss you. 

But I'm not allowed to say that.

So I'll politely smile when I see you at the store and ask how your family is doing. I'll genuinely tell you it's good to see you. I'll try to hide the scab on my heart. 

I was your pastor's wife, but I'll always wish I was your friend.