When preaching about marriage, my husband has often said from the pulpit, "If you don't like my wife - then we can't be friends." His point is that we are one and he will stand with me even if that means he has to stand against everyone else - friends, family, etc. He has had to do just that a number of times and I love him for it so much - it is a demonstrative act of his commitment to our marriage.
Of course I also agree the same - if you have a problem with my husband, then I'm sorry, I will end a friendship. My husband comes first. If your words or attitude are acting as a crowbar to drive a wedge in between myself and my husband, you're the one to go.
Here's my "transparent maybe it shouldn't be said but it's on my heart so I'm going to say it" moment.
I have a difficult time with this in the church family.
When someone comes to ME to ridicule or question my husband, the points from above are my instinct and I have a difficult time remembering to love first. In that moment, I do not have the luxury of growing frustrated or angry or defensive or even hurt because the other half of my heart (my husband) is being attacked or questioned- but instead I have to respond in love or we're going to have even bigger problems than where we began.
Typically my response, preferred by my husband especially, is deference. In that moment I try to take a deep breath and direct that person to my husband to discuss their issue or question. I don't know what my husband is thinking all the time, why he opted to preach on the next text instead of a "holiday appropriate" sermon, why he planned something a certain way, why he hasn't planned something yet, etc. As a bi-vocational church planter who is working on his master's degree there are plenty of weeks that we barely have time to discuss necessary topics pertaining to our family - discussing the church as pillow talk is well.... less than ideal.
With this I leave to you, if you have an issue or question for the pastor - seek him out and not his wife. You'll get a more accurate answer and he has broader shoulders - he's used to getting punches in the gut. Me? I don't have abs of steel and well ....sometimes it hurts.